Bad docs?

I have a lot of thoughts on the IF process, but something that's on my mind most lately is  the quality of care that infertile couples deal with. I know a lot of infertile people from time spent in different online forums, and something that is all too common is the number of people have stories not of bad care, but of atrocious "care". Stories where you are left wondering how in the hell did that doctor achieve the title of doctor. There are so few infertility specialists, that it seems like for every great doctor, there are at least two bad ones.So many of my friends have suffered incompetent and cruel treatment at the hands of alleged professionals that we're giving large sums of money to. Here is my bad doc story. The question is, is the IF community and low number of docs leading to bad care, or are we as patients so desperate for a chance at a child that we tolerate poor care? With so many insurances being able to refuse coverage for IF, and we're paying so much out of pocket, as patients, why are we not demanding only the best?

For us, our first OB/GYN refused to take us seriously, telling me that I needed to be more patient, that in G-d's time we would become parents, and refused to order tests. He gave me a prescription for Clomid, a drug that is very common in the infertility community. Most of the time in the very minimum blood tests are done to determine if the drug is doing what the doc is looking for result wise. Some doctors will even do ultrasounds. Our doctor did none of that, he also didn't talk with me about the side effects such as thinned lining that we might face. When he upped my dosage when I didn't fall pregnant and I started having migraines that went on for a week straight I called his office. His nurse told me that "headache" isn't a side effect and to take tylenol. In the insert from the pharmacy, migraine was most definitely listed as a serious side effect. I finally got tired of his horrid, dismissive "care" and asked for a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). We had been trying for 18 months at that point, and I got sick of not being taken seriously. NEWSFLASH: If your doctor is crappy, don't take recommendations from them!!

We moved onto an RE. We had exactly two appointments with this doctor, and  neither was particularly great. The first appointment was great, we dealt with cranky office staff for nearly an hour. We then spent time with the doc's nurse going over in detail the 18 months of record keeping I had brought with me. There were pages and pages of my cycle tracking with ovulation predictors, the results of the sole semen analysis we had, and the one ultrasound done that showed the internal lady bits were in order. We saw the doctor for about 5 minutes, we left knowing that the doc knew what states DH and I were born in based on our social security numbers, and that he enjoyed cutting his grass to relax. We also were given a stack of poorly done photo copies about the various tests and treatments for IF, and instructions to call at ovulation for a post - coital (PC) exam. For those of you who have modern docs, a PC test is done at ovulation, the couple is instructed to have intercourse and then visit the clinic a certain amount of time later. The doc collects a sample from the vagina, near the cervix and examines the mucus to look for evidence of sperm. Our test needed to be done on a weekend due to when I ovulated and the doctor rushed us through our exam because he had more expensive patients waiting (an egg retrieval and a transfer for different IVF patients). He was less than gentle when collecting the sample, and immediately prepared the slide and turned to the microscope in the room. He tossed over his shoulder "go ahead and get dressed" and I scurried my naked tush behind a curtain in the corner while he looked. I hadn't even had time to get my pants on, just my undies, when he declared "well, you've failed this one!". I quickly yanked on my jeans and popped out to have him tell me "you've got no live sperm in the sample, you'll need IUI. My nurse will give you a handout." and he left the room. Our file was clearly marked that insurance would cover only testing, not treatment of infertility. We got yet another awesome photo copy of a fee sheet for IUI and sent us home.

We changed clinics because I found the opportunity online to be in a clinical trial for IUI that involved free treatment. After we completely our obligation to the trial, I had a sit down with the doctor at this clinic. He took me into his office, sat beside me with all of test results, and explained why our IUI's probably failed, out chances of success for various treatment plans, and gave me copies of everything. He also explained how PC exams aren't really done anymore as they can be inconclusive and don't supple any significant information. He answered my questions patiently, politely and all while I had my pants on. It turns out, DH had low sperm motility and morphology and that IUI wouldn't have given us very good odds.  I'm still with that doc's office, still trudging along the road to resolution.

The words that you use...

I know for many parents they have moments where they are tired, stressed, etc. and despite loving their child(ren), they get frustrated. I get that no one is perfect or has a perfect life, but for the love of fuzzy little puppies. NEVER EVER EVER say to your infertile friend that being a parent is the worst thing ever and you wish you could undo it. Quit saying "oh, just take one of mine". It is insensitive and it will cause your infertile friend unspeakable pain. Want to complain about parenting? CALL YOUR PARENT FRIENDS. Would you ever say to a wheelchair bound person how annoying it is to walk and stand all the time? I would hope not! Apply some common sense and don't be an ass to your infertile friends either. Now, not all infertiles are "out" like I am, so you may not know if your friend is child free by choice, or if they are crying themselves to sleep at night, err on the side of caution.

Infertility Awarness Week

It's coming on to that time of year again, Infertility Awareness week! This is my third go round year celebrating? participating? acknowledging? oh who the hell knows, but yeah, third year now that I've been in participation I guess. This year the week of April 21-27 will be acknowledged by me, Resolve.org, and thousands of others who hope to bring infertility out of the cold, dark closet and into the light of the public gaze. Maybe someday those who suffer won't do so in silence, scurrying away to cry and grieve. Maybe people will no longer say "well, maybe God doesn't think you should parent" or "it's God's will" or my personal biggest pet peeve "you're being selfish with all these doctor visits, you should just adopt, there are thousands of children needing homes". So, I've done some thinking, had some thoughts, and will hopefully be blogging more and with a point.