Progress and hope

I know I haven't been on in a while. So I'm back!

Since we have had our diagnosis, we have been working on getting the IUI planned and how to pay for it. It's about 700 dollars for the whole thing. We are doing a medicated cycle with a drug called Femara, so we'll start out with an ultrasound on either day 1, 2, or 3 of my next menstrual cycle. I'm not sure what they're looking for at that appointment, but, I'm sure I can find out when I go. Our great doctor will then give me the prescription for the Femara. We're looking at the beginning of September for our insemination. Wish us luck!

Diagnosis

So, we are seeing a reproductive endocrinologist, that's the specialist that has made it their business to find out why you can't get pregnant, and how to get around that to get you knocked up. Our doctor is Dr. Eli Reshef of Oklahoma City, OK. He is beyond incredible, in fact, I cannot say enough about how much I love  our doctor. Facing infertility is very scary. The process of IVF, in vitro fertilization is pretty well known. It is also well known how expensive it is to be treated. In the US, only 14 states require health insurance companies to cover fertility treatment. That leaves a lot of people without any insurance benefits to treat what really is a medical condition. Wanting to be a parent should not be treated as a privilege, when you're body is not functioning correctly, it is a medical issue, but for most Americans, getting treatment for infertility is a privilege. We are somewhat fortunate that our insurance covers the testing and treatment of underlying issues. This means we can test for physical abnormalities that lead to infertility and treat those, however, our insurance however, draws the line at "artificial insemination" and "advanced treatment". Thus, if there was something wrong that required medication or surgery to fix, I'm covered, but they won't cover insemination or IVF.

So, our first test that our doctor suggested is called a Post-Coital test. Basically it is a VERY easy and painless first step in infertility testing. The way it works is you use ovulation predictor kits, such as my Clear Blue monitor. When you get a positive reading for ovulation, you call the doc. He tells you when you and your partner need to have intercourse, and then when to come into his office for the test. The test is super simple, and it is done to determine the quality of cervical mucus, and to determine if the sperm are behaving as expected. Cervical mucus is secreted by the cervix when a woman is fertile, and it's purpose is to create a welcoming environment for the sperm , to give them nourishment, and a medium for them to swim through to enter the uterus and move up to meet and fertilize the egg. The test is used to ensure that the mucus is of proper quantity and quality, and to ensure the sperm are present, alive, and swimming forward. This test is much like a pap smear, so ladies, you all know what that means, the dreaded speculum. The doc inserts the speculum, takes a sample of the mucus and places in a microscope slide, takes out the speculum. The whole process takes less than 5 minutes, and you're up and getting dressed while the doc is on the other side of the room looking through the microscope, looking for and counting sperm. Ideally, you want about 5 or so sperm on the slide, alive and swimming forward.

We failed. I had the mucus, and it was of the right quantity and quality, except that it is killing the sperm. It could be anti-sperm antibodies made by my body, or it could be that the pH level is wrong, and is either too acidic, or not acidic enough, and the sperm are dying. Since they aren't living to get through to the egg, we cannot get pregnant on our own. In the US, the medical community doesn't usually spend the time and expense pinpointing the issues with the mucus/sperm relation because it is costly and time consuming compared to the simple and relatively low cost procedure of IUI, or intrauterine insemination, also called artificial insemination. Now, we could spend several months running tests, and several hundred dollars trying to pinpoint a cause of the mucus trouble, which insurance would cover, or we could save them cash by having the sperm inserted directly into the uterus, thus bypassing the hostile mucus. For some unknown reason, that isn't covered. So, now we are working on saving for the IUI procedure.

So, how do you pretend to be happy?

I'm a member of a message board for women trying to get knocked up. The polite version is trying to conceive or TTC. I genuinely care for these women, and deep down I am delighted when they post that they have a positive pregnancy test. We have a special section to announce the great news. I know that these girls have been there, in the trenches of the tears and disappointment, but I have to be honest. I get jealous. It is even worse when someone I know that has an OOOPS! I'm pregnant! moment. They didn't even want to get pregnant, yet the blessing falls into their lap. I find myself wondering why are they more deserving than I am? It hurts like hell, and I honestly don't have the answer on how to deal with it every day. I recommend a day at a time, and occasionally, vent to someone you trust.

Oh, and since you've read this far, I would like to draw your attention to the ads on the side of my page. If you see somthing there, please click it. I get money for those clicks, and it is going to go toward our fertility treatment. More on the treatment path later.

Testing 123, Testing???

Pregnancy tests-At some point in most women's lives they find themselves peeing either in a cup or on a stick and then waiting for the little lines, plus sign, color change, etc. They will spend 3-5 minutes waiting for the test to develop with their fingers crossed. Some are hoping against the positive, others for a negative. No matter what outcome you're wanting the clock seems to stop while you stare at the test. This ritual can get very, very old for those hoping and praying for the positive sign. The longer you've been trying to get pregnant the more you want that test to come back positive. This gets even harder to deal with when your period decides to take a few days in showing up. So, this month that is where I was sitting, I patiently counted the days, and lo and behold, nothing. So I test, test, and test again and get negative, negative, and negative again. It is a very good thing that I found a website that has pregnancy tests dirt cheap!! At the local drug store they are 2 for around 10 bucks. I get them online for about $1.50 a piece.  So, as you probably guessed, my cycle made a tardy appearance, so we are moving on with a new month in the quest to getting knocked up!

Last post, I mentioned a Reproductive Endocrinologist, or RE for short. The RE is a doctor that went to school and got certified in Obstetrics and Gynecology (OB/Gyn) and then went to further training and education in the study of infertility. This is the doc you'll call when you can't get knocked up on your own. I had been debating seeing one for a couple of months, and finally decided to bite the bullet and make the appointment. It is a very scary step because a lot of health insurance policies do not cover fertility treatments and fertility treatments can get VERY expensive. The top of the line procedure is IVF, In vitro fertilization. Everyone has heard of this one, where you take the sperm and the egg in a dish and let them get together and then implant the resulting embryo, early step in baby, and put it back in the momma's uterus. This procedure costs about ten grand for one cycle, and the results are not at all guaranteed, some clinics have higher pregnancy rates then others. There are of course a lot a other steps on the road to getting knocked up that aren't that extreme. There are also lots of different things to test. Most places will start out with a semen analysis (SA) to determine the sperm are good to go. We've been there, and hubby's boys are champs! So, this means that we have "unexplained infertility" where they kind find a reason, or I'm the problem.

So, we made the appointment and met with the RE, and I was scared to death, I mean, this is a big step, and I'm going to be counting this guy for a lot. The weekend before appointment we went out of town to visit my mom and dad to take my mind off the appointment and celebrate our wedding anniversary. The morning of the appointment comes and we head over to his office. We fill out tons of paperwork, provide proof of insurance coverage and met Beverly, our doctor's nurse. I LOVE HER! She was so kind. It was a much better impression the nurse at our OB's office who we overheard complaining, loudly and rudely about me being 5 minutes late to our appointment. Beverly took down my medical history, discussed what we have done so far, my current point in my cycle, and all that good stuff. Then we met the doctor. Rather then meeting in the exam room where no human has ever been truly comfy, we were invited to our doctor's office to talk. Dr. R is incredible! He talked with us about our history, the statistics of "normal" people getting pregnant, and a plan for getting us pregnant. We have our doctor's pager number and if needed, we can call him anytime. He also has a website where his patients can get information, and get to know him better. I couldn't be happier about the awesome doctor we have. I have a whole new hope now, and feel so much relief.

So, sex=baby right? maybe? sometimes?

I was sitting at dinner and announced to lovely husband "let's have a baby!", he replies "now? I thought it took longer for one to cook." Yes, he said that. The conversation continues, thankfully, and we decided that now is in fact a good time to get pregnant. To make sure it is all systems go, I called our good ole Super Doctor (yes, she is that awesome) and make an appointment. So, Super Doc tells me to toss the birth control, take some prenatal vitamins, and you're off to the races. So off we go, the quest to make a baby! You do your thing, and PRESTO! no pregnancy??? What???

So, Super Doc gets another call for a get together, and I bought a Clear Blue Easy Fertility monitor. For those who don't like peeing on sticks, this little device is about the size of your hand, and you tell it when your period starts, then each day you fall out of bed, stumble in to the bathroom, and turn it on. Some days it just reminds you what day of your cycle you're on, other days it demands that you pee on a stick, put the cap on the stick, and then put the stick in the machine. It flashes some lights for about 3 minutes and BAM! it lets you know if you're having a low fertility day, medium day, or high day, and when the big O (ovulation, not the other big O) comes. I'm the type of girl that gets up and REALLY needs to wee, like, now. So waiting for the machine to be ready is torture. Super Doc advises an HSG test, ultrasound of the uterus, and gives you a prescription for Clomid (clomiphine citrate), and sends you on your way. The ultrasound is easy to schedule, the drug is on the infamous Walmart discount list (9 bucks for 5 pills, it's a bargain, really), then it comes to the HSG, or for those who love new words, longer the better, it is hystrosalpingogram. The doc's here in OKC, where I live, won't do one with your being an "established patient", so I make the appointment and meet the doc, he's nice and all, but won't do the test. The ultrasound is odd, a little uncomfortable, and comes back as "normal" with healthy looking lady bits. So I take the drugs, wee on the stick, and yep, you guessed it, still no celebration. 4 months later, and still no happy news, so back to Super Doc and local doc. The drugs are making me have some not so awesome side effects, so I took a month off. There we are lovely readers. A year and half or so, knocked down to two rather long winded posts. The game plan at this point is a visit to a Reproductive Endocrinologist, more on that later.

My first post!

     Getting pregnant looks so easy, television, movies, the teenager down the street. The girl looks a man, and WHAM! they are sending out baby shower invites and walking around with the big old pregger belly. You hear stories "oh, we weren't really trying, but we weren't trying not to" or "whoops, we weren't super careful with birth control". This gives you a false sense of security, when you are ready for a baby, you just don't use birth control, and baby follows shortly. But what happens when it doesn't? My blog is an insider's view of the dreaded word: INFERTILE. In the US, a couple is infertile when one year of unprotected sex does not result in pregnancy, unless the female partner is 35 or older, then it is 6 months of trying.
    
     No problem right? you just take a little visit to your doc, they fix it, and you're picking nursery furniture. Except that isn't how it works either. First you go in, and they have a little talk with you about being patient, and giving a prescription for a drug called Clomid. It is supposed to ensure that you have ovulation each month. The downside of course is the side effects, because they mimic early pregnancy symptoms, nausea, hot flashes, sore boobs. So you get all the discomfort, but then you also get the torture of your visit from "Aunt Flo" cramps, bloating, all the fun. Just to make the whole thing even MORE fun, your pregnant friends on facebook, at work, and everywhere else will constantly complain of how horrid it is to be pregnant. You want to scream at them how they should appreciate it, reveal in it, delight in it, but under no circumstances take it for granted, this wonderful gift that they have. So you take the drugs, you track your cycles like an obsessive loon with ovulation predictor kits where you pee on sticks throughout the month, you count down till you get to pee on more sticks, just to get a big ole, soul crushing negative. You need someone to talk to you, but infertility is still a taboo subject. Maybe because it is linked to sex, and sex is taboo. Maybe because they don't have a ribbon campaign, walk, run, bike ride, or other publicity stunt like more "acceptable" illnesses. Maybe it is because the women who suffer through it are ashamed, they cannot do what a woman is supposed to do, make a baby, and don't want to admit that failure. Well, I will not stand in the shadows any longer. I am infertile, it sucks, and I won't keep quiet anymore.