Diagnosis

So, we are seeing a reproductive endocrinologist, that's the specialist that has made it their business to find out why you can't get pregnant, and how to get around that to get you knocked up. Our doctor is Dr. Eli Reshef of Oklahoma City, OK. He is beyond incredible, in fact, I cannot say enough about how much I love  our doctor. Facing infertility is very scary. The process of IVF, in vitro fertilization is pretty well known. It is also well known how expensive it is to be treated. In the US, only 14 states require health insurance companies to cover fertility treatment. That leaves a lot of people without any insurance benefits to treat what really is a medical condition. Wanting to be a parent should not be treated as a privilege, when you're body is not functioning correctly, it is a medical issue, but for most Americans, getting treatment for infertility is a privilege. We are somewhat fortunate that our insurance covers the testing and treatment of underlying issues. This means we can test for physical abnormalities that lead to infertility and treat those, however, our insurance however, draws the line at "artificial insemination" and "advanced treatment". Thus, if there was something wrong that required medication or surgery to fix, I'm covered, but they won't cover insemination or IVF.

So, our first test that our doctor suggested is called a Post-Coital test. Basically it is a VERY easy and painless first step in infertility testing. The way it works is you use ovulation predictor kits, such as my Clear Blue monitor. When you get a positive reading for ovulation, you call the doc. He tells you when you and your partner need to have intercourse, and then when to come into his office for the test. The test is super simple, and it is done to determine the quality of cervical mucus, and to determine if the sperm are behaving as expected. Cervical mucus is secreted by the cervix when a woman is fertile, and it's purpose is to create a welcoming environment for the sperm , to give them nourishment, and a medium for them to swim through to enter the uterus and move up to meet and fertilize the egg. The test is used to ensure that the mucus is of proper quantity and quality, and to ensure the sperm are present, alive, and swimming forward. This test is much like a pap smear, so ladies, you all know what that means, the dreaded speculum. The doc inserts the speculum, takes a sample of the mucus and places in a microscope slide, takes out the speculum. The whole process takes less than 5 minutes, and you're up and getting dressed while the doc is on the other side of the room looking through the microscope, looking for and counting sperm. Ideally, you want about 5 or so sperm on the slide, alive and swimming forward.

We failed. I had the mucus, and it was of the right quantity and quality, except that it is killing the sperm. It could be anti-sperm antibodies made by my body, or it could be that the pH level is wrong, and is either too acidic, or not acidic enough, and the sperm are dying. Since they aren't living to get through to the egg, we cannot get pregnant on our own. In the US, the medical community doesn't usually spend the time and expense pinpointing the issues with the mucus/sperm relation because it is costly and time consuming compared to the simple and relatively low cost procedure of IUI, or intrauterine insemination, also called artificial insemination. Now, we could spend several months running tests, and several hundred dollars trying to pinpoint a cause of the mucus trouble, which insurance would cover, or we could save them cash by having the sperm inserted directly into the uterus, thus bypassing the hostile mucus. For some unknown reason, that isn't covered. So, now we are working on saving for the IUI procedure.

So, how do you pretend to be happy?

I'm a member of a message board for women trying to get knocked up. The polite version is trying to conceive or TTC. I genuinely care for these women, and deep down I am delighted when they post that they have a positive pregnancy test. We have a special section to announce the great news. I know that these girls have been there, in the trenches of the tears and disappointment, but I have to be honest. I get jealous. It is even worse when someone I know that has an OOOPS! I'm pregnant! moment. They didn't even want to get pregnant, yet the blessing falls into their lap. I find myself wondering why are they more deserving than I am? It hurts like hell, and I honestly don't have the answer on how to deal with it every day. I recommend a day at a time, and occasionally, vent to someone you trust.

Oh, and since you've read this far, I would like to draw your attention to the ads on the side of my page. If you see somthing there, please click it. I get money for those clicks, and it is going to go toward our fertility treatment. More on the treatment path later.